Thank you - My Special One

Every story has it's way to begin.

My story this time is started with a beautiful meeting with this guy who I never thought I will fall for. And then, it continues with the darkest moment in my life when alot of misunderstanding arises between us which I can't find a way to explain. And then we get it through until I see the sunshine again lately...

The moment with him is always unforgettable. That was the day when I finally be true to my feelings, And that was the day I put aside my proud but to show him how much I care about him.

I never has that kind of feelings towards anybody where a strong faith and will tell me how much I wish to spend the rest of life with him. He is so special to me. I love his good and his bad. There's no one is perfect in this world. Indeed, I just love the way he is being himself, nothing I would like to change, nothing at all.

I know this love is gonna to be a little bit extraordinary but I am ready for it. My love towards him is already beyond everything.

Today is Thanksgiving Day. I am writing here in hope you will see it one day...

Hey my dearest special one,

Thanks God I met you. You are the best ever gift I have in this life. The moment that we spent together is always the greatest memory for me. And I hope there are a lot more to come in the future.

I just realize that, sometimes, a single message from you could really brighten up my day. I guess, you're already living everywhere every corner in my mind. You are the first and the last thing I think of every morning and night.

Today is Thanksgiving Day. I wanna say a million thanks to you for everything you have done for me. I love them all! Thank you!

With lots of love...

I Wish

I don't know how to love him.

I am afraid I am giving him too much pressure.

And yet I still wish to hear from him every morning and every night.

I wish to be with him every minutes every seconds.

I wish to take care of him.

I wish to know him more, his thought and his feelings.

But, I don't know how...

I am confused.

Slowly, I wish to see the real him.

I am waiting the day when he is ready to tell me who he is... and when the two hearts are getting closer...

Simple but true happiness

Always, I work really hard to attain a goal so-called "better life". But what is the definition of better life? Wealth? Social Status? Authority?

And now, I realise, I never want to be in a circle where wealth, power and authority, higher-end society and etc around me. I never want to attend any private event where you have to wear not a really comfortable dress, high heels and wine and good food are served. I can see, people who attend those kind of functions are not really find themselves comfortable in every corner. They just pretend to fit in the environment. Nonetheless, they are still finding every way to get themselves into this circle.

I met "the ex" last night in a private function. He was in a well suit with a partner. We sat down on the same table and had a little chat. I had a thought in mind. I felt lucky because I wasn't be with him that time and I never want to have a life like this with him! He is rich and charming as before, but his life, his circle is a place I never want to be in.

I love freedom, I love to laugh or cry as I want, and I want just a simple life with the loved one. That is my true happiness!

And then, I thought of a guy...

一个人的旅行

需要一个人的旅行，
让烦乱的思绪得以整理，
让压抑的心情得以纾解，
让负面的想法得以释放。

该遗忘的人，该看清的事，该收拾的结局。

原谅我的自私，我的冲动，我的任性。
我只想抛下一切，潇洒地为自己活一次。

女人

女人啊，
爱可以很美，可以很伟大。
但是，不停的眷恋，一味的付出，到最后终究受伤。

女人啊，
生命可以很美，世界可以很大，没有谁应该为谁停留。
生命里需要去做的事，到过的地方，太多太多。
请让生命发光，发热。

廉价的爱，不提也罢。
没有结果的爱，不爱也罢。
不值得留恋的人，不留也罢。

女人啊，
你值得拥有更多，更好的人生。
珍惜生命，活得精彩！
为自己鼓掌！

忘了他

Someone like him...

He is very gentle in speaking.
He is very caring and thoughful.
He is humorous and can be a bit naughty sometime.
Very cheeky yet funny.

He is mature enough most of the time to solve any problems.
And he mastered the skill and knowledge in most of the common interest between me and him.

He is very dedicated to work.
He is friendly and helpful to everyone.
And he loves his family, especially his mum I guess.

He is not perfect.
He can be very forgetful sometimes.
But he never forget those important dates.
He drives very fast.
But he never be reckless in driving.
He loves to sleep.
But he wakes up for work regardless how many hours he has slept last night.
He is a smoker.
But he will avoid smoking in front of me as he knows that I don't like it.

He is definitely not a perfect guy.
But someone like him, to me, is more than perfect.
Someone like him, who I dare not dream of.

Where we belong

Last night movie - Rhythm of The Rain brought me 2 messages:

1) It's always hard to tell how true a man's love.
He could love you from the first sight, do whatever things to get you, and then you and him finally together. But this is not the end of the story. And then in the later part, the ex comes into picture. The man could still love you, but there is an "ex"......

2) Miracle does not exist.
There's no such thing like love is no boundary. Different background, different world of living, and all the differences build up a great wall that you can't get it through. Love can build the bridge? Yes, I used to agree with this but now, it seems doesn't exist.

And then, the movie told me that:
"Stay with where you belong, be with those who lives in your world. After all, there's no place belongs to you. Never ever think of entering into someone's life because it hurts!"

I guess, you and her could make up a perfect match. She is part of your world and she is always there for you. But I hope, deep inside your heart, there's always a little place where it stores the only memory we shared.

Life is like a train

Life is like a train.
You will meet a lot of people throughout your journey.
Some people go up to the train and leave in just a short distance.
Some might stay longer.
Sadly, not everyone is going to stay with you until the end.

Blessing to the one who leave,
And cherish the one who stay.

No matter what,
the train is keep moving on,
and there's no turning back until the end.

Cheers to the beautiful life!

=)

If this is it...
If the miracle doesn't happened in the end...
If you have found the one you wish for...

I guess, I'll keep my smiling face,
as brighter as ever,
as wonderful as ever.

And I'll cross my finger,
wishing the best to you,
from the very deep bottom of my heart.

And I,
Moving forward.
Life goes on.

Moving Forward

You know, I am glad I have moved forward.

Even though I might think of you sometimes, 

once in a while, out of sudden.

Perhaps of the tons of workload,

Perhaps of the clearer minded,

And perhaps of the will of the heart that has decided to never turn back.

I am me again...

Just not exactly the same like before.

It is just another growing process, I guess, and I am pleased to have it... =)

我以为

妳曾說不想有天讓我知道　妳對他有那麼好

妳說會懂　我的失落不是靠寬容就能夠解脫

我以為我出現的時候剛好　妳和他正說要分開

我以為妳己對他不再期待　不縱容他再給妳傷害

我以為我的溫柔能給妳整個宇宙　我以為我能全力填滿妳感情的缺口　

專心陪在妳左右　彌補他一切的錯　

也許我太過天真　以為奇蹟會發生

我以為終究妳會慢慢明白　他的心已不在妳身上

我的關心妳依然無動於衷　我的以為只是我以為

他讓妳紅了眼眶　妳卻還笑著原諒　

原來妳早就想好　妳要留在誰的身旁　

我以為我夠堅強　卻一天天的失望(卻輸得那麼絕望)　

少給我一點希望　希望就不是奢望

Do you really know what is love?

I am not the expert.

And I have no much experience in this.

Perhaps, I never know how to love someone before (apart from my family).

If you follow my blog, or if you are my close friends,

you will know how much I am suffering, struggling lately.

This is the most terrible time I ever have after living in this world for 27 years. 

There are so many times I hope I never met him, at least I am still the happy me.

But there are times I am feeling grateful to have him in my life.

Even though it's never be a happy ending, still, it teaches me what is "Love"...

Love could be blind.

But I think love makes everything borderless, makes everything possible.

No matter what religions, which races, what's your economy status, where you are... etc, 

love is like a bridge that connects all kind of differences and makes it a complete circle.

Sometimes, love doesn't lead you to the happy ending.

But I learned, love is when you see him surrounded by his own happiness, even though the girl standing besides of him is not you, you will still be happy for him. Because you know, there's someone out there who can take care of him as good as you.

Love is, when the sparks are all over, you still need him to be in your life every minute every second.

It's just like how much you need air to survive.

Love is, whenever he has a good time or bad time, you will always by his side, sharing his laughters and tears. You know, you never want to miss any life event of him, big or small.

Love is not occupying him fully, but to let him go, give him freedom to do whatever things he wanna do. Giving him 100% support with no regrets. 

Love is, no matter how long the time has past, you will remember his every single little things. He will become your first thing and last thing to think of every morning and night.

Love is, when you have no chance to tell him how much you love, how much you care, and still, you couldn't find a reason or a solution to forget him.

I think, this is what love's all about...

"I love U, no matter you know it or not..."

学习更爱自己

该过去的，会过去的。
学习更爱自己，学习为梦想而努力。
活在当下。

生活很美，
幸福不一定需要别人给予。
创造属于自己的幸福也可以很美。

一个人的旅程更可以品味人生。
世界之大，还有太多地方，太多风景等待着。
只要那样想着，也许渐渐地，我们的曾经也会走入历史。
曾经存在着，很美，
但也已经被收藏在某处。
也许某天会不小心地想起。
我想，那时，很多事，很多人也已经不再一样了罢。

下一次

也许，当初我陷得太深，
毫无保留地让你看见最真的自己。

也许，留些神秘才能抓着这分缘分。

我问了问自己，
如果下一次，再一次的机会，我还会毫无保留地奉献吗？
想了想，
心告诉了我答案，“会”！

不论经过多少次，我还是我。
不论在什么时候，我还是想做最真的那个我。

Humble - One's Self-Cultivation

I am not sure this is a culture over here, but I realise that people tend to speak loud but do less.

Looking around, people always think they are good enough and over-confident on every situations. 

In fact, when problems come, they have no idea how to deal with it because they are not well-prepared.

The worst thing is, they never realise their weaknesses and keep thinking that they are good enough until the next time, the same problem arises and still, they have no idea how to deal with it. Over and over the years, there's no improvement at all because they do not accept others advises.

Well, this kind of people are surrounding you and me. Perhaps you might be one of them too. Take some time and think about it. No one in this world knows everything. We are not God. If you are humble enough, you are actually gaining more from every aspect. Learn from each others to get ready yourself for all the challenges that may come to you in future. 

I would say, Humble is one of the elements that represents one's self-cultivation. If you think speaking loud in front of everybody could gain you more respects from others, then prove it with what you say, not just saying. That's the way that people starts to respect you.

The Heavenly Scotland

Suddenly...
Just suddenly...
I think of my all time dream place -- Scotland,
A place that I am always want to go.

I know, one day, I will make my dream comes true!

酸甜苦辣的人生

人生，多么广阔的名词，
涵盖的是一辈子。

人生虽说漫长，可也只是那短短几十年。
猛然回首，赫然发现，
爸爸的两鬓已经白发斑斑，
妈妈的眼尾也已布满了岁月的痕迹。

而我，如今也在社会里翻滚数年。
虽然资历尚浅，但人生的酸甜苦辣却总是让我无尽感慨，无奈。。。
人生在世，有得有失。
也许看开了，得失也就不再重要。
也许更为重要的是过程。
不论酸甜苦辣，都一样享受人生，细品过程。

请记得，我们只活一次！

Goodbye

I think it is time to say goodbye.
Thanks for the 2 years memories, the sweet one and the sad one.
Tonite, I have made up my mind.
I wanna stop the cheapest love that doesn't mean anything to you.
Let me cry like nobody business tonite.
Let me be the real me again tonite.

After tonite, all the memories of you will be deleted forever.

Goodbye, the one I loved for the past 2 years.

Give up?

I don't know how to find a word to describe my feelings right now.
My heartache is more painful than I can imagine.
My thought is a mess.
Even though I already be prepared with this outcome mentally.
But when the moment comes, I still couldn't control my emotions.

Chasing someone like you makes me suffering from head to toes, from inner to outer.
My heart is no longer able to hold on anymore pain given from you.
I can't breath...

It's enough!

一路上有你. 希望你值得

妳知道嗎　愛妳並不容易　還需要很多勇氣 
是天意吧　好多話說不出去　就是怕妳負擔不起 
妳相信嗎　這一生遇見妳　是上輩子我欠妳的 
是天意吧　讓我愛上妳　才又讓妳離我而去 
也許輪迴裡早已註定　今生就該我還給妳 
一顆心在風雨裡飄來飄去都是為妳 

一路上有妳　苦一點也願意　就算是為了分離與我相遇 
一路上有妳　痛一點也願意　就算這輩子註定要和妳分離 
一路上有妳　苦一點也願意　就算是為了分離與我相遇 
一路上有妳　痛一點也願意　就算只能在夢裡擁抱妳

The Love Force

I am Angeline, a girl who has been living in this world for 27 years.
I met few guys before but never try to chase after someone I love, none at all.
He is the first one and the last I guess.

This is the first time I put aside my proud,
forgetting I am a girl actually,
deciding to pursue a so-called "happiness" which I think it's true.
I totally have no idea how and what to do, where to start...
But I guess,
be honest, be sincere, be open-minded and do whatever you think but never dare to do it before.

Courage + Determination become the love force I am holding right now.
This is the choice I have chosen and there's no regrets.
No matter what the outcome is, I know I have done my best.

All the best!
Angeline, go for the one last strike!

The Choice

It's really a long deep talk last night. Thanks for everyone who presented, shared and guided me who had long lost in somewhere.

I have a clearer picture now.
I have made a decision, even though I have no idea what will it be in the end.

I know exactly that I have only 2 choices left.
1) I give up on him and delete him forever in my heart
2) I chase after him and chase after my happiness

For the first one, I did it all the while for the past 1 year more and I never succeed. It's like impossible for me to delete him forever from my heart my life. I did tried in uncountable ways just to forget him. But it never work. I know, I will not possible to forget him in this life. And if I keep on doing nothing, I will be suffering for the rest of my life.

Since so, I guess I have left only one choice.

The 8 sweetest months in the past that keeps bothering me for the past 1 year and it hurts me so bad whenever I think of it.
But right now, it is already a history. It's just a source when I fallen for this guy. And then, it is a brand new start right now. Because I love this guy so bad, and I have no choice, I have to chase after him regardless he likes me or not, or, he did liked me in the past. It's really doesn't matter right now. The fact is, I LOVE HIM.

"Do something that you won't regret in the end, for doing nothing. The girl that is brave enough to chase after her happiness is the most "handsome" girl out of all..."

"You can do it in your career, why you can't do it in your personal life?"

Thanks guys! I will remember all of this. Fay jie can be so brave to chase after her own happiness, but what have I done?? I shouldn't do nothing!

Angeline, no matter what, go for the one last time...

Where is your principle?

People change, from time to time, due to the change of the environment of living.
Some people change for survival, some people change for betterment, and so on.

Change is fine, but what have you changed?
Positively or negatively?
I bet, majority of the people would say, "yea, I change for a better me. And I think I am good right now."

No matter what you have changed, do you still remember your original principle that you have way before the external factors changed you?

Talking about principle, everyone knows what we should do what we shouldn't. This has been taught since kindergarten.
Strangely, when we grow up, big enough to survive in this reality world, those we used to know has changed.
So now, you gonna tell me, "this is a cruel world. I have to do this to survive. Everybody is doing that though. Why not?"

This topic could be no right or wrong.
But I am wondering, there are so many people out there in this world and if 90% of the human being behaving like this. What our world will become?
I am sure, it will definitely not a good place to live.

Again, I am not a great one. But I have holding my principle well.
I am changed too following the changed of the world. However, I know that no matter what I will never do anything that's against my original principle.
I loyal to my job and I love it!
When a task given, I know it exactly that I have to do it perfectly, at least there's no regret for me for things I should have done but didn't.
The working environment might have changed, but it doesn't mean that my working attitude has to change too.
Work smart is not asking you to temporarily cover your ass. If you are not finding a right pant, you will be forever finding a leave.

Think twice!

Just another moment when I think of you

It is a hot and lazy afternoon on the second day of a long holidays.
Laying on the bed in my room and playing the songs from my laptop.
I close my eyes,
There's a moment of you appeared on my mind.
The tears that I thought it will never drop again falling gently over my face.
The pillow case is wet.

It's just another moment I am thinking of you again.
How long it has been since the hug that night downstair of my apartment?
How long it has been since the moment you carried me on the beach?
How long it has been since the moment I fell to sleep on your shoulder?

I guess, I shouldn't counting it anymore.

I know we will never get back to those moment again.
Those that were once I struggled for seems to be fine right now.
I am good.

It is just a moment when I think of you.
The tears is not dropping now.
Just let the past staying in the past.

I am the king of my life

It is a weird feeling when seeing an exactly same story of yours happened on someone else.
It's like watching your own movie, but this time, you are just a viewer and the main actress is someone else.
Seeing her cries, seeing her helpless moment and seeing her lost in the world and still couldn't find her way out.
I think I share her thought and her feelings.
I think I understand her perfectly cos I am seeing her as I am seeing myself!

God is so great.
I think He is giving me a perfect chance to reborn while assisting other to find her way back.

Love is so amazing and yet mysterious.
There's nothing wrong for loving someone and there's nothing right either.
What you have done in a relationship is not about looking for a return or an answer.
It's only about a responsibility you have towards your heart and yourself.
Do whatever thing you think it's right with no regrets.

Who the hell on earth says the it's wrong for a girl to chase after a guy when she knows it perfectly that he is the right one for her?
For me, I won't care what's gonna be said or commented by the others.
Because I know, I am the only one who is responsible for my own life! I don't even needed to report to anybody about my life.

Anyway, I have reborn from the past.
And now it's time to inspire the others.

Life is so beautiful.
To the beautiful life, cheers!

会过去的

也许吧。。。
时间可以负荷伤痛，
让颜色慢慢地退去。

虽然不舍，依然在心里搁着，
但总是在最痛的那一刻看得最透彻。
然后，心也坦然了。

Death, if it comes one day...

Death, a word that nobody would be interested in.
However, all the living objects in this world are born, grow and die in the end.
It is a natural cycle that everyone has to go through.

Life is so unpredictable.
No one will ever know what he/she will be tomorrow, or even the next minute.

So, do you ever think about death?

I am an optimist.
Just like anybody else, I love my life and I love this world to the most.
I never want to die so early neither I want to live too long when everyone I loved has gone.
However, I always know, finally there is one day I will walk to the end of my life.
If the day comes, I hope I could bring my smiling face until the last breath.
Just like the shooting star, it brings the greatest and wonderful sparks before it clashes on the ground.
I hope I could leave only the happiness to everyone I loved.
And there is no sadness or tears, but only the peace.
I hope the songs like "Amazing Grace" or "I'm Already There" or even "When You Believe" are playing all around in the hall with the beautiful white color roses sprinkled all over the floor.

And then, I hope I could be brought to the sea, the place I loved the most and the place I would like to stay for the rest of the days.

I know I shouldn't think too much of death. But if the day comes, I hope I am just like a shooting star that everyone will only remember my sparks that is used to be sparked up in those days.

Life is so beautiful to me, yes it always is.
Everyday, when I am still alive, I wish i could fulfill all my dreams one by one.
And then, I will leave with no regrets.

If

If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.

If a face could launch a thousand ships,
then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
you're all that's left me too.

And when my love for life is running dry,
you come and pour yourself on me.
If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.

If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.

And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away

等等

让眼泪等一等，
让失望等一等，
让孤单等一等。。。
也许明天，幸福正悄悄降临。

人生多么奇妙。
你永远不会猜到下一个转角你将遇见谁。

爱是个奇迹。
曾经的幸福浪漫并非代表永恒。
可谁又会猜到生命里的那个他就在瞬间的那一刻出现了。

爱与幸福不是一把尺，也不是一个称。
你永远无法衡量长短，轻重。
唯一的测量器是那颗真心，那个不计付出的真心。

我看着你走过了灰暗，然后遇见了太阳。
从此幸福美满。
我想，我已经可以想像，当钟声响起，你穿着白纱走进来的那一刻。
我看见了天使！

*献给我生命里非常重要的你。2014年1月26日，期待着。。。

Just let me disappear

Perhaps, disappear is the last and the best choice I have right now.

Loving you with all my heart and thought, for more than a year, hoping that you could feel it.
But now it seems so stupid to me.
The fact is, you never care about it.

There was once you make me feel like I am the special one.
But now, you show me that I am just another girl who has fallen for you.
All the things you have done, all the cares you have showed which were once my whole happiness.
But now, what's left?
It's only a scar in my heart that would never be cured.

Do you ever know that the most terrible thing is when there's no more tears in the eyes and yet the heartache is getting worst each and every day?
Can you imagine how one can live without a soul?
Do you know that I am starting to hate myself when I become so stupid in front of you and I just can't help it?

I just wanna get out from all this, get out of your life like we never met.
Let me be the selfish one this time.
Let me disappear.
Until the day I am Angeline again.

A Plan

Since when, my world is not as beautiful as it was.
And I, become someone that I do not know before.
I lost myself in every way.

Some time long time ago, there's a thought to go on a journey of my own...
Leaving the country that I have been brought up and living for more than 20 years..
Exploring a brand new place, environment, people... everything.
The thought is never be so strong like it is right now.

I wanna runaway from all the things happened to me so far...
Or perhaps a person that I always wanted to forget.
I wanna live a brand new life without him..
I wanna learn to smile again.

The plan is in planning now.
I hope it could be finalised real soon.
Until then, I will pack my stuff and just go without taking along anything about me and him.

Reserve for Only The Best

兜兜转转，迂回在不肯放弃的回忆里。
用尽了全力，想把回忆延续，变成永恒。
猛然发现，这一切只是自己的执着。
现实并不如想象中完美。
事实有如锋利的刀把心划破。

值得吗？

醒了。
不想再继续。
不想再眷恋。

放开吧，也许幸福就在不远处。
从新来过，给自己一次幸福的机会。
把最好的自己留给值得守护的人。
也许也只有值得的那个人才应该拥有我想给的全部幸福。

崇拜你

也许吧，
就是喜欢崇拜你，
享受着崇拜你的过程。
虽然有时很幸福，有时也很失落。
与其说爱，还不如崇拜你。
那样，不管结局如何，也许我也还能潇洒地走开。

或许吧，
心里还是默默地祈祷，
期待被你崇拜的那一天。
虽然已渐渐习惯了你突然的热情，突然的冷漠。
虽然想被你崇拜是那么遥不可及，
可是崇拜你的过程，我还是乐在其中，不后悔。

It's just not today

Hey,
the sky today is beautifully clear and blue.
I guess I can hear the gentle waves and the blowing wind, the very peaceful and relaxing one.
It's so real whenever I close my eyes.
I know we gonna make it someday, it's just not today...

Credit to Ben for the photo above. =)

Believe?

Living in this reality,
when the people come and go,
when you are all on your own,
do you still believing in love?

Living in this reality,
when happiness comes so easily and it disappears so suddenly,
when all the words said, all the cares shown, but it doesn't mean anything in the end,
do you still believing in love?

Living in this reality,
when the person you loved appears out of sudden without any signal and he is trying to show what he cares about you,
when all the hurt and scars caused by the sweetest memories are still remained in your mind, your heart and even in your blood,
do you still believing in love?

Every night I pray...
I hope miracle could finally happened on me...
I hope God doesn't forget me to pursuing my true happiness...

But, when he is back,
when everything seems like replaying,
when it seems like a second chance for me,

Suddenly, I am scared.
I dunno what is real and true,
I am not sure if I should go forward,
I have no confident that this time it could be a happy ending...
I lost my courage...
I am afraid to give it a try because I couldn't afford to lose this time.

What should I do?

我还可以相信吗？

他近来的频繁短讯，他好似刻意的示好。。。 感觉好像上天让时光倒流，让发生过的幸福重演。 可是，这样的幸福，我还可以接受吗？ 我还可以相信吗？ 为什么？

期待 & 奢望

本以为他不会记得我的生日，这些天一直给自己打镇定剂好让遍体鳞伤的心可以舒缓。
虽然内心深处还是丝丝地希望他会记得。

生日那天意外地收到了他的生日祝福。
简单的生日歌，因为他，我的心变得温暖非常。

人，总是贪婪的生物。
当你得到了两分，你就会想要得到五分。
当你已经有了五分，你就会期望得到满分！
永无止境的要求是否就能得到满足？

我知道我对你不应该再有期望。
我知道很多事，很多感觉已经不同。
明明答应了自己是时候放下。
明明也对自己承诺过往前看。
一下子，你的丝丝温暖就瓦解了一切。

不敢期望因为害怕失望。
连奢望都变得遥不可及。

我没有了筹码，注定这一局我输了。
很想念你，但最终还是要放下。

今年的生日愿望：希望你安康，幸福。

生日的意义

又一年了。。。
还记得去年的这个时候，你在12日凌晨12时准时地拨了通电话祝我生日快乐。
一通简单，但却代表了你满满的爱的一通电话，很感动。

你笑着说你要成为第一个祝我生日快乐的人。
是的，事实上你是第一个。
可是，也许你不知道，不管你是不是第一个，
那一刻，在我心里，你已经赢得了我的全部，全部的幸福和快乐。

今年，也许事是人非，也许你不会再记得我的生日是几月几号，也许我也不会再收到你的祝福。
也因为如此，今年生日，我不再期待。
我想，今年奇迹不会出现了吧。

虽然如此，
此刻我突然好想你，好想好想你，好想好想紧紧抱着你，不想再和你分开。
突然好想念你的拥抱，那是我找遍了全世界最让我温暖，最安全的地方。
突然好想念你的肩膀，那个可以让我放心地依靠，让我安心的地方。

你说，你是我在大海上漂浮时可以依偎的木头。
其实我想说，你不是木头，你是当我在大海上漂浮时遇到的奇迹，一个让我看见希望，勇敢活下去的奇迹。
如果可以，我希望一切重来。
这一次，我绝不会放开你的手。

今年生日对我的意义只有想念，幸福，还有遗憾。。。

It's about the matter of "TIME"

I learn this lately. Perhaps that is what I should do now. Putting everything aside, and life goes on. =)

Reborn

Sometimes, it's really hard to explain how and why but you just reborn from the painful past at a certain point and timing that you can't pre-set nor control.

After so many months, finally I have passed through.
This is the first time I put down all the memories with him and decide to carry on my life path without him.
And this is the first time when i see his message I have no feelings at all.
Up to this point, I know, everything has became history.
It's not forgetting everything, but it just buried somewhere.

A life without him,
I move my focus to work and I am happy as more good ideas pop-out for works.
I love myself more and start gaining back my passion of living.

The earth is still turning,
the sun is still going up every morning,
and life goes on...

Reborn from the moment and I wanna continue to be shining throughout this life.
Cheers!

The Non-Stop Tears 止不住的泪

究竟过了多少个夜晚，那不听话的泪水总在不经意的思念中划落？
开朗勇敢的我，从此害怕寒冷的夜，害怕寂寞。

也许，世间上总有很多的无奈和遗憾。
越想得到的就会离你越远。

每每想起你温柔的微笑，心总是会隐隐作痛。
每每看见和你有关的人，事，物，我还是会想起你。
看着电话里的你，很想知道你在做什么？吃饭了吗？今天过得好吗？

我想，我们之间横跨着宏大的海洋。

即便我想奋不顾身地朝你游去，而你却一再躲避，把我推开。
如今，我们过不了也回不去了。

淡淡的忧伤，淡淡的遗憾成为了我的生活习惯。
我想往后，蓝蓝的海，蓝蓝的天空，
恐怕，我只能想起你。。。

Give Up

看着电脑荧幕上，我和你的合照。
回忆着那一幕幕让我感动，让我温暖，让我心动的画面。
也许，那些已经不再存在。
也许，你已经不会再回来。

泪，湿了双眼。
哭哑了，心碎了，心灵已体无完肤。

该醒了。

Hey,
也许你并不知道，
曾经有一个女孩，真真正正地爱着你。
为了你，放下她引以为傲的自信，放弃了她身边任何一个可能幸福的追求者。
渐渐的，连一直伴随着她的开朗乐观也忘了。

也许你还不了解，
她的生活从此因你而转。
她爱你更胜于爱自己。
她愿意和你长相厮守，哪怕生活多么艰苦，未来多么艰难，她从来也不会畏惧退缩。

那样的一个她，
累了。
心，伤痕累累。
删除了所有和你有关的联系，空间，聊天室。
无法回头了。
这一次，她决定放下所有对你的爱和思念。
不回头，不后悔。

An Undelivered Gift - for him

This is Mr. Potato Head in The Amazing Spiderman series. A gift that I have bought form HK Disneyland shop and I wish to send it to the owner.

Hopefully I still have this chance to pass this to him. But until now, it is still remained as an undelivered gift. =(

Inspire and Be Inspired

Inspire others and being inspired.

I never thought I could be good enough to inspire other people, not even once. 

I always know that I am not good enough and that's why i always strive for the best I can.

And that's why I like to challenge myself.

Honestly, I was totally touched when my outward bound camp instructor (a nice guy from New Zealand) saying in front of everybody that I am the one who reminded him the true meaning of his job. 

He said, "perhaps I have too used to all the training programs I have for the participants and eventually I have forgotten the very important meaning behind every activities and every tasks given. Angeline has brought me to think it over again and suddenly, I find it back everything I used to remember last time. Thanks for making my day!" 

He smile at me and pat my shoulder. My eyes are filled with tears. I keep telling myself that I'll never cry in front of so many people. Luckily I didn't.

Seriously, I am very happy when I hear him saying this. He actually brings me back those confident that I used to have those days. He reminds me who I am those days.

As I have said, I really dislike the me right now...

A girl who is living her life surrounding a guy who she thinks is very important to her. Eventually, she lost herself. She forgets how proud she used to be, how confidents she is towards those who denies her. And now, she has putting herself so low in front of the guy she thinks she likes the most. But she gets in the end? Nothing. Not even a sympathy from this guy.

Boyd, my outward bound camp instructor, has shown me the girl I suppose to be. Yeap, a pround and confident girl like me, who never care about other people's perception towards me. I just don't care. A girl like me, I have no idea how and why I fall for this guy and it seems like never stop until this moment.

Should I say he is the lucky one? 

I think he even never knew that.

Well, my heart is getting tired with the scars. This time, I really wish I can walk away from him, from all this happiest memories that he has created for me. 

I wish I can do it and find back the real me, be the real me.

God bless!

全世界，我最喜欢你 - In this world, I like you the most!

Hey you!
Do you know that... In this world, this life, I like you the most!
I like you more than anything.
I like you just like I like myself.
I like your good and the bad.
I like your everything.

Basically, I like you because your existence completed my life.

Hey you...
Do you know that... Same date today a year ago, we were planning our first trip to a beautiful island that I never been before.
This is the best memories which I cherish the most.
I still can remember everything, every moment we had together on the island.
Even until now, those sweetest memories still keep replaying in my mind that makes me missing you more.
There were so many times I wanna hug you tightly and tell you my feelings.
But I didn't... And I am regret now.

Hey you...
Do you know that... I think there's no barriers between us because I like you from the bottom of my heart.
I like you as the person who you are...
You are so perfect to me.
Perhaps, I am not good enough for you.

Hey you...
Do you know that... I am currently doing something foolish, something that I never thought I will do it,
something that shouldn't be done by a girl.
I, just wanna love you without regrets, without asking the returns from you (even though it is a very difficult part and it makes my tears never stop dropping)...
As long as I know, you are safe, happy, healthy and even in love with somebody...
I am gonna be good.
Even though I might not getting ready yet to face the truth that you gonna marry someone someday...

Hey you...
I am not sure but, if, if only if, you were once fallen in love with me, even it's just a little,
please...
Please tell me.
Please show me.
Please, give me a reason to come closer to you, to love you more...

I like you to the most.
Tell me if you feel it, know it...

突然之间

Hey...
你知道吗？
此刻的我正在前往热浪岛的路上。
我看见了满天星斗，
好多好多，好美好美。

Hey...

还记得吗？

那天晚上，在刁曼岛的沙滩上，

同样的星空，同样的满天星斗，

我，好想念你。

此刻的我，为了你，为了我的梦想，

我会努力。

你的鼓励，哪怕只是那浅浅的话语，

却已让我信心满满。

对你的喜欢，对你的爱，

说真的，一直一直都没有减少。

无法停止，无法放弃。

不能说出口的爱，不能给予的关怀，

默默的在我心里隐藏着。

也许真的也不会有被你发现的那一天。

所以，我豁然开朗了。

我学会了大爱。

你的幸福，你的快乐，

所以，我也幸福了，快乐了。。。

笔于 2013年4月16日，11.38pm

Be the best of me

What an unstoppable working marathon started since November last year.
And finally, it comes to an end (for the time being... At least I still can rest and recover for a month or two).
I am coming back now! Officially!

Well, looking at the schedule for 2013... Still, the marathon is expected to be continuing endlessly... For personal and working reasons.

March - MIFF 2013
           - Indonesia business trip
           - China business trip
April - Getting an OW Diving License
May - Company Hong Kong Outbound Camp
        - The first diving trip (still in planning)
June - Bali Trip
Sept - SEAFIE 2013
Nov - Taiwan Trip
Dec - Sabah Trip

Alright, that's how I end my 2013. Anyway, the tight schedule has actually filled my empty heart and mind that pushes me to move forward without looking back.

A little promise and target for this year...
Be the best of me in everything...
Love myself a little bit more...
Cheers~

接受

又想起《爱很简单》和《我愿意》这两首歌。
想起了《单身男女》里面的抉择。
想起了曾经发生在我身上的两个故事。。。

 一个聪明浪漫，
一个温暖贴心。 

曾经，我以为放弃了聪明浪漫，
选择了温暖贴心，人生从此幸福美满。

放弃聪明浪漫我从来都不后悔。
选择了温暖贴心，我一直心存感激。
虽然，到了最后，
不论是聪明浪漫，
还是温暖贴心，
我们都走上了一条不归路。。。 

时光无法倒流也不曾为谁停止。
过去了终究过去了。
现在虽然还是一个我，
虽然还是孤单， 虽然还是彷徨，
曾经那一份深深的爱，深深的体会，
那一个曾经很幸福的心，很幸福。
不需要谁的怜悯，
不需要谁的施舍，
该来的就应该让它发生。
是你的若干年后还是你的。

不勉强了。
不挂念了。
不哭了。 

终于，
在今天，在此时，
我接受了。

如果上天看见了今天那么勇敢的我，
请，
拍拍我的头，告诉我，“做的很好！”
那么，
我也就不再害怕，不再遗憾。



 

转捩点

人，
往往徘徊于交叉口，
 等待着一个机会，一次的重生，
等待着人生中的那个点 － 转捩点。

Give Life a Take 2

Letting go = Giving yourself a second chance.

A chance to reborn,
a chance to forget and forgive,
a chance to live happily again like your heart never get hurt.

Give your life a Take 2.
Be brave, be tough...
Never lose your faith.

Best wishes to me and everyone out there!
And a Happy and Joyous Chinese New Year!

I Hate U

I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U
I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U I Hate U

I can hate you for thousand times...
But why it takes only one time for me to fall in love with you forever...
And then, I hate myself...

How are you feeling today, Angeline?

Whenever I open up my facebook page and I will see this...
"How are you feeling, Angeline?"

It is a column there for you to update your current status.
Day after day, then I ask myself,
how am I feeling today?
How am I feeling this week, this month, this year and so far?
How am I actually feeling right now...?

I am good, I am bad, I am happy and i am feeling down......
Does anybody who really cares about this?
I am not sure...
There are someone maybe or there are not...

Living in this world, in this city,
sometimes I feel cold and grey...
I am not lonely,
but it's hardly for me to find someone who really knows who I am,
who really knows my weird humors and he is still find it hilarious,
who really knows my needs and wants even without speaking it,
who can lend me his shoulder whenever I need it,
who really cares about me and who really cherish me as his only one...

There are times I thought I have found The One...
But we doesn't last forever.
A mistake, a misunderstanding and a missed of chance,
it leads the story comes to the end...
Princess and the Prince Charming do not live happily ever after,
At lesst, it doesn't ever happened in my fairytale...

Can I still believing in fairytale that really exist in this world?
How long more I need to wait until the miracle finally happens on me?
A thousand years or more?

I am afraid...
Everyday I am missing you,
everyday I am loving you as I never leave you since that day.
How am I going to stop the growing love?
How am I going to leave you forever like I never met you?

I know...
Someday, I am gonna walk away from this.
I know, I will...

阳光总在风雨后

听过许美静的“阳光总在风雨后”吧～
简单的歌名，很有意思的歌词。
不知怎么了，这首歌总是让我很感动。
也许是朗朗上口的旋律吧。。。
也许当中还蕴藏了某些原因。。。

人生没有绝对的完美。
却也多了份因为不完美，因为遗憾，因为后悔而变得美丽，完整。
几个月前的我也许还做着美梦，想像着人生的完美。
出生于适中的家庭，拥有个完整幸福的家庭，考获优越的成绩，拥有份理想的工作，拥有着一群相知相惜的朋友。。。
人生看似完美无暇，无法挑剔。
遇见了那个生命中注定出现的那个人，感觉就像神仙一般，幸福快乐，无忧无虑地生活下去。

2012年，生命突然地起伏，幸福一一瓦解。
生命就像跌入谷底，连阳光也不再灿烂。
经历了人生的第一次巨大挫败，幸好都一一度过。
也许生命里的那个人是上天安排，在我26岁人生最低迷的时刻出现，在旁鼓励，在旁指导，并告诉我世界之大，生命可以很灿烂，很美丽。
也因为他，我很快地就忘掉了悲伤和烦恼，恢复了昔日的正能量与笑容。
第一次，真真正正地体会了爱与付出。

当爱慢慢滋长，蔓延，
当生命的中心慢慢转移到了唯一的他身上，
一切的美好却慢慢地变化，直到真正地失去了生命里那个最完美最美好的他。
掏空了的心，无法回应的爱，人生再次跌入谷底。
无数的夜晚只有泪水与寂寞度过，感觉就像生命中的所有美好已经用尽。

又过了好多个月，
没有了心跳，没有了希望，没有了憧憬的生命慢慢地重新站起来。
那是费尽了多大的毅力与勇敢才有了今天重生的机会。
以为上天和自己开了一个很大的玩笑，
可是现在细想，其实冥冥中已注定。
要不是他，也许我不会那么快从伤痛，绝望与灰心中重新找到自我。
要不是他，也许我不会知道什么是真正的爱。
要不是他，人生中值得回味的不会那么精彩。
就算现在失去了生命中非常重要的他，
就算失去他的心是多么的悲伤痛苦，
就算失去他的人生已不再那么精彩，
现在依然感恩，谢谢他曾经出现在我的生命里，
给我力量，给我温暖，给我爱护。

阳光总在风雨后，相信依然会有彩虹。
即将步入27岁的我，依然微笑着迎接着未来的人生，
期待着即将遇见的人，事，物。

请记得，
人生没有绝对的完美，却有着因为不完美而完美的人生。
人生在世不过那几十年，请珍惜生命，让它发光发热，
也不枉今生来过这世界走一回。
＝）

My World, My Life

Do you ever think about the meaning of living?

God is so great to create this beautiful world and give human a pair of eyes and ears to see and hear the world.
And, most importantly, a heart to feel...

Recently, I am re-watching the LOTR's movies and it inspires me alot...
The world we are living is so amazing. The people, the scenery, the culture, the stories...
We are given this life, to discover, to see, to hear and to feel them all.
Living is not only about working...
Money, power, social status, cars, houses... They are not going to complete your life.
And they are the things that you can't carry along when you die one day.

As for me,
I know there's so much more in my life that's awaiting me to discover one by one.

Traveling is seems to be the best to get myself closer to this beautiful world, to see, to hear and to feel the world we are living. I am enjoying to be a backpacker.  And I'd love to have my foot-print printed on every part of this world. Every time when I am going on a trip, there's always something to surprise me. And most of the time it becomes a sweet memory for me that accompanies me to go on my journey to the next destination.

That's my world, my life... before I met you...

So, how about the rest of the story when the two lines cross over each other?

Do we have the story to tell?

Tell me please if you read this... I am seriously wanna know it, if the story is gonna to be continued...

Lord of the Rings fever returns!

Still remember the Hobbit song?
Still remember the beautiful Shire and the Hobbits big hairy foot and their cheers and laughters...?

I still remember those days when I was really addicted to this beautiful world created by J.R.R. Tolkien. And after so many years, the fever towards LOTR is returned following the newly showing "The Hobbit" in the cinema. And I realise that, the fever towards LOTR is never gone or lesser even now and then! I still love them all as much as I did before!

Seriously, I am enjoying the LOTR Trilogy very much whenever I re-watch the movies. I guess I have watched it more than 20 times so far and it has yet to get me boring!

"The Hobbit" that is showing lately in the cinema is actually brought me back to all those good old memories. And I have new discovery from the movie itself that completes my whole story of the Lord of the Rings. I realise that Bilbo Baggins is really great! Hobbits are really amazing. The small one that changes the whole world and even saves the world! So guys, never underestimate your capability because you will surprise what you have done is more than what you think you can do.

LOTR has meant so much to me. The best ever movie in my life!
I am ready to re-watch the LOTR trilogy again... Do you with me, the LOTR fans out there? =)

2.0.1.3

2012年的最后一刻，你留在了2012。。。
而我已跨越了，走到了2013。
我们不再同步。

美好的2012划上句点。
再美丽的回忆也只能停留在2012的回忆里。

此刻的你好吗？
大海很宽阔吧？
海浪声好听吗？
岛上很热闹吧？
今晚是否满天星星？
你抬头看星星了吗？
你还记得喜欢满天星星的我吗？
你还记得那天一起看星星的我们吗？

今晚，我的天空没有星星。
可是很宁静，很舒服。
平复了的心情，很难再泛起涟漪吧～

Halo 2013! 新年快乐～！