A man with story

I met a French guy last weekend.
It was a chilling and cloudy Saturday morning...

Over the brunch, he told me a story of him and his girlfriend.
He said, " I lost my girlfriend."
I thought he was broken up with his girlfriend lately. I thought this was what he wanted to bring out to me.
And then he continued, " She died few weeks ago due to cancer."

To me, from the first impression of him, he was like an ordinary playboy style young guy.
But from the way he told the saddest story, and the way he treated his girlfriend and how he came out from the ordinary French playboy to a more responsible and caring sweetheart,
honestly I am impressed.
And at the same time i felt terribly sorry for him and his girlfriend. They were meant for each other and yet they didn't make it to the last.

I was more than once questioning myself about love.
I was almost dropped the faith in love and stopped believing.
But what love is, to him, he made his own perfect love story.
It did not meant that they don't fight, he don't cheat.
But the loving heart that put them back together again and again,
and both they grown.

Their love story is fascinating.
His positive attitude after the death of his girlfriend is just amazing.

For a really long while I was drowned into the sadness of lost.
And he smiled to me, pat my head and said, "I'm okay."

That Saturday afternoon, I was really sad.
However, it was a memorable Saturday afternoon.
I learned to be tougher.
I learned to dance in the rain.

That Saturday afternoon, I met this young charming French guy - Adrian.
A man with a fascinating story.

This is love, for sure

There are a lot of time I am questioning myself,
What is love?

Years after years, after all the people I met,
after all the experiences I have been go through...
It becomes clearer and clearer to me.
I know, there's always him, in my mind and in my heart.
And it's only him, the one who makes my heart skips a beat everytime we meet.
Nobody else.

Only him, who could bring me the most happiness I could never imagine.
Only be with him, I feel the safest.
And only to him, I could be just myself, telling him whatever it comes in my mind.

I love him, very very much.
Sadly, life doesn't always granted you what you want the most.
And I accept the fact the way it is.

Thank you T for showing me what the love is.
And I'll be loving you every single day till forever and ever.

I Still Believe

5 months gone...
Again, time is flashing really fast.

I start over my new life,
a new life without him.
I start to meet new people, going out and doing stuff.
And everytime I test my feeling if it's real.
And everytime it fails me. The feeling, the heart beat, it just never happen again anymore...

I asked myself if there's something wrong about me?

And I dig in and dig in to find the truth and realise...
Except being more rationale, nothing else has changed me.
It's just the one, the right one is never appear again since then.

Aside the age I am carrying, I know it completely who are the one I am searching for.
The only one I am willing to risk everything again, just for him.
The only one that put me on the ride of the roller coaster again with all the bitter sweet moments.
And the only one whose hugs and kisses could melt my heart uncontrollably.

Even so...
I still believe.
Believing the fate and destiny will finally bring him to me.

Until then, I will be waiting patiently over here,
and dreaming...

LOST

How do I conclude what was happened last night?
All the coincidences, the familiar face, the familiar hug and touch.
What was it?

I am confused.
A feeling that I couldn't even tell what is it.
It's a totally complicated.

Do I still care about him?
Yes I do.

Do I still want to go a bit further again towards him?
I guess no.

Do I miss him?
Yes, very much.

That's enough. I am completely lost.

不认输

六月，夏天，风和海的日子，
还有我的31岁。。。

精彩的30年，不后悔的30年。
满满的回忆，战绩，伤痕，和泪水。
种种的曲折与磨难，偏体鳞伤的心，也许不再轻易相信任何人。
昨日天真无邪的笑容，也许已经不复过往。

即使挑战还在继续，磨难还未完结，
小小的心脏还在跳跃，不认输。

31岁的人生，40岁的思路。
或许没有人会相信这样一个心境的我，
对于人生看得如此透彻。

不勉强，不强求。
对别人好的同时，更学会了善待自己。
31岁的人生继续前进着，不为谁停留。

2017的告白 。我想你

30岁的我，也渐渐明白。。。
有些人的身影，笑眼，每一个动作，
永远，永远都会在回忆里，身体里，和世界的每一个角落，存在着。

当一句问候也变得如此奢侈，一个关心也如此的多余，想念也许也是一种罪孽。

只能远远地关心，远远地祝福，远远地落泪。

当生命里也必须有另外一个人的出现，那个身影已经活在血液里，空气里，无时无刻，无可取代。

也许，只有和你一起，笑容也变得那么真切。
那个最真的我，那个依赖着你的我。
和你一起的夜晚，永远都让我那么的安心。
只要和你在一起，哪怕最艰难的困境，最险恶的道路，
因为有你，我从来都不害怕。

你喜欢的每一件事，我喜欢的每一样东西，
因为有你的分享，幸福就是这一回事吧！

还有好多好多的事，好多好多的话，好多好多的未来，
我们已经来不及完成。

在你转身的那一刻，属于你的所有回忆已经深深埋入我心里。

愿在同一片的星空下，你也能想起我。
而我也会一遍遍地为你祈祷，愿你一切安好。

What would we become?

When days become months,
and months become years,
I am afraid...
I am afraid that your face, your voice and everything about you will become blurry enough for me.
The harder I try to remember the feelings I have towards you, the more I lost it.

"That's it?" I always question myself.
But...
Why is it everytime when I look at our pictures together, everytime when I think of you, my tears are still dropping non-stoply?
Why is it I am still worrying about you, if you have been good.

You have been a bad guy for me.
Though sometimes I have been moved by your gentle cares and thoughts. I admire alot of how persistent you are towards your dreams, and the spirit of giving out your best for every jobs and projects we have.

I really miss you, and I really want to see you.
However, I know, I will never look at you the same way I did before.
As long as the hurt is there, I would never able to talk to you the same way before.

What would we become soon?
The terrifying answer that's haunted me is -- A stranger.

The Hate and Love

The hate and love,
it's just a line difference.

How lovely the love,
and it will be how deeply the hate.

Perhaps, I just wanna complete the last "thing" i am doing it for you,
way before the hates conquer my heart and my mind.

Perhaps, I just wish that, in the last "gift" we can only see the loves.
And let the undone love remains just a dream,
that we can only think about it many many years later.

So close, so far...

You're in my arms, and all the world is calm.
The music playing on for only two.
So close, together.
And when I'm with you
So close, to feeling alive.

A life goes by,
Romantic dreams must die.
So I bid my goodbye
And never knew.
So close, was waiting,
Waiting here with you.
And now, forever, I know
All that I wanted
to hold you so close.

So close to reaching
That famous happy end.
Almost believing
This one's not pretend.
And now you're beside me,
And look how far we've come.
So far we are. So close...

Oh how could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?

We're so close to reaching
that famous happy end,
And almost believing,
this one's not pretend.
Let's go on dreaming
for we know we are...
so close, so close
and still so far...


** Hope someone, if there is someone, who could understand this.... This, my romantic voice in within me.
Someone, someday....

Wish you well

This is really the end... I suppose.
Just a few words keep repeating on my mind.

To whoever she is,
Please help me to take a really good care of him. Listen to him, ease his worries, always show your support. He is a good man with a lot of pressure he put on himself.

Love him unconditionally as he is a lonely man whose heart is always wanted a loving hug.

Take him on an adventure as he likes that a lot.

Take care of his health as he is not very often treating himself right.

Spend him some sweet gift and those he needs because he basically doesn't really spend for himself.

To whoever she is,
Love him till the end and never let go.

To who I am referring to,
I miss you.

48 days to go

The days are counting down...
It's like a clock that you can't stop the time passing by.
Everything has gone as planned,
And my time with you is now left only a month and half.

How would all this end?
What would be our last moment together looks like?
What's gonna be the last word you gonna say to me?
I have been practicing this for a while,
And I am gonna make sure that I am not gonna cry, definitely not!

A life of yours without me, and a life of mine without you,
I guess both will be just fine.
I have prepared you a bright future with your business carrying on without me.
And I have prepared my life without you, I just need to get use to it.

We will not going to see each other anymore after that,
and we are not going to talk to each other anymore too.

Hell yeah, let's live our own happy life in our own way, without crossing to each other's anymore.

The days are counting down...

I'm just dreaming

It just all about my dreaming.
I should have knew it.
Nothing would change and there's a fact that he won't change at all.

Things to let go just let it be.
No more hesitation, no more worries.
He will be just fine, even without you.

What should I do?

Some people says,
The hardest decision in life is to let go or to hold on.

I thought I have convinced myself to accept the fact that we gonna end soon.
But you hold me on to walk the path with you for a bit longer again.
And suddenly, all have been firm in my mind are no longer standing strong at it's point.

What should I do?

To stay, but too much heartache and I am not sure how much more I can stand with it.

To leave, if only I know you gonna do good and you gonna be fine, perhaps more than just fine.

You asked me what I don't like to do, so we can remove it and I can stay with you.
But what I truly wanna to tell you is that, everything and everytime with you is wonderful, but it is the uncertainty from you and those girls around you that pushes me away.

I know I shouldn't stop you from pursuing your happiness, but please, I just don't want to see it by myself. At least my heart will not broken again.

How I wish I could tell myself what will be the best choice for us, for you and for me.

Just one good reason

Counting down the days...
2 months.
We are walking towards the promise.

Relief?
Sadness?
The feeling is complicated.

If this is the freedom you are asking for,
If this means your happiness,
I don't need a million reasons, I will walk away.

If this could mean the end of our story,
Even it means that we won't see each other anymore,
I will let go.

However...

If you ever feel sad as I do.
If you still care for me as much as I do.
If you would missing me sometimes in a day.
If only it could be only one of all the above,
Just one, then I will stay.

I just need you to tell me...